So much to say......

ok, to be honest, I don't know who reads this. Sometimes I just feel like I need to get it out of my head.
I have had several doctor visits lately. Went for my yearly, which I had not done for 4 years. I know, I know! I found a great doctor, on a friends reccomendation. I have never had such a good doctor. She sat and talked with me for an hour and a half, got me on some depression meds and set up some tests. I have felt so much better on my meds, happier and more patient. Went in for an ultra sound, no not pregnant, but I have 3 fibroids the size of kiwis in my uterus. This would account for all the pain I am in, that I thought was just normal woman pain. So I go in and sit with the doctor again to discuss options. Options??? why do I have options??? I have options because obviously that pain I go through is not normal. I had 3 or 4 options......from birth control pill, IUD....to a Hysterectomy. I left my appointment that day feeling a bit numb and overwhelmed. Then as if she just knew I needed to talk to her, my mom called on the drive home. I pulled over and told her what was happening, and cried. After telling my mom everything, she calmly told me what I knew and just needed to hear. Get the hysterectomy, that way the problem will be taken care of, cause all the other options will just prolong the real problem. So, I talk to my hubby, and we decide together that that would be the best option. So now, the pain that I have been feeling for years, has been revealed. Now when I have pains I just want it to be gone cause I know it is not normal. Do I have more pain now cause I am more aware of what is causing it? Is it psychological, my mind telling me to be in pain? Or do I just really hurt this much all the time?
My surgery is scheduled for mid January, and although I don't want to wait that long, it is the best way financially and with my deductible. I have to make it through Christmas and the bridal show before that. I can do it. I will be out for 2 weeks, and it will only be day surgery. Mom will come take care of me for a bit.
So, there it is. I wonder what it will be like to not have a period ever again, well that will be nice!! I honestly never thought I would have to deal with this. It has been a big decision for me, but I know I need to feel better and be happy, and if this can help then I need to do it.